There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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