I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
