I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize