Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize