Im at strip club and am horny
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
