I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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