I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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