I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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