Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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