i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
