There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
