Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
