apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
