shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
