Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
