So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
