Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How's work?
Spinning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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