you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
