I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
