I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
