i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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