I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
