i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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