Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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