At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize