you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
