omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
