I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Randomize
