I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
