It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize