Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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