She said her name was "party"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
