If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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