I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
