i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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