Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
