That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize