Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
