look no pants
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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