I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
