I want to stick my p in your. b.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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