I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
