WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
