Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
