Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
