I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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