Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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