i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ttyl tear gas
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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