are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
