Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
