what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize