I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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