You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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