all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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