Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
