she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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