If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
