What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize