Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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