In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
