Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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