You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
