I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
