Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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