these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
