i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
