had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
