I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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