I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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