the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
