i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
