i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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