Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
