Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
